in praise of winter walking

on winter walking there exists a perpetually blooming bush deep murky purple flowers en route down church street turn around corner then more down hill walking to exercise track that each time startles always in awe. even now i feel its vibrant nonchalant thereness, a kind of beloved mocking my senses into awareness of acquiesced petals floating abstractions gracing the ground. purple praised up hands against the blue beyond.

it is speaking to me, '"i cannot be denied, come unto me,
you cannot resist my infinity, gaze upon me. i am beauty."
it speaks the truth.
i am humbled to be enraptured so. hallelujah, hallelujah!

--20 july 2009
--2 august 2009

I'm a sea pig.
--16 july 2009

before her leaving

before her leaving, i too could not imagine her not being there. and that was my greatest fear, the imagining the thought of her not being there, the unfathomable fact of how i could would exist without her. my mother was also my bestest friend so that makes the longing deeper. this void has evolved into a bearable unbearableness. life. soulful loving and to be loved as such
is a double-edged sword.

though i have lived to testify that the mind and the spirit are resilient. i have journeyed within descended down the abyss and struggled through and beyond my greatest fear. i have survived.
i remain here. and, paradoxically, i sense that this loss and suffering that i experience is in some mysterious way is a gift.

.....i am floating in a most peculiar way.

i am joyous to know that you and your mom are best friends.
that is a blessing.
grazie for the anche.

bacibisou
--15 july 2009

Will this world remember you

Calliope the Sea Pig is shy, bold,awkward,grostesque,spirited and creative. She loves reading&writing, grasps writing tablets wearing beautiful shoes.

Umheimlich, unknown known

anche

...i have visions of an aching ankle.

a thousand sunflowers

...merde i wanted it for you like a thousand sunflowers tommaso...
i shall cease talking now.
--23 juin 2009

Saudade - Remembering Rosie

We make memory,
born back ceaselessly,
deepening the darkness.
Irretrievable loss.
--6 July 2009

We make memory, born back ceaselessly, deepening the darkness along with the irretrievable loss that surfaces when we revisit the past.
--15 June 2009

( inspired 7 June upon hearing reading of F. Scott Fitzgerald's 'The Great Gatsby' )

phoenix

...out of here and into creation.

--3 juillet 2009

Quiver

it's like a flagrantly thrown dagger with no thought for the hearts in its path.
--écrit le 5 février 2009

Vermillion gape

Take me with vermillion words.
Cleave me.
I can take the weight.
An open violet gape wants to create.
I have enough inside.
I am not closing the cave door.

--le 5 juillet 2009

Internal Dialogues

SOME FIND HER BEAUTIFUL

"Love finds and sees beauty,
so those who love her find her beautiful,
i'd imagine.

(pregnant pause)

But damn,

(petite pause)

she ugly tom."


FAME HOUNDESS

"i ain't no pyscho celebrity fame houndess"


"to grease my sustained interest and energy"
--written dialogues, 17 july 2009


KEEP REPEATING

"and you, i repeat stuff tom.
i be repeating stuff over and over,
damn, over and over,
keep repeating."
--verbal dialogue, 1 july 2009