before her leaving

before her leaving, i too could not imagine her not being there. and that was my greatest fear, the imagining the thought of her not being there, the unfathomable fact of how i could would exist without her. my mother was also my bestest friend so that makes the longing deeper. this void has evolved into a bearable unbearableness. life. soulful loving and to be loved as such
is a double-edged sword.

though i have lived to testify that the mind and the spirit are resilient. i have journeyed within descended down the abyss and struggled through and beyond my greatest fear. i have survived.
i remain here. and, paradoxically, i sense that this loss and suffering that i experience is in some mysterious way is a gift.

.....i am floating in a most peculiar way.

i am joyous to know that you and your mom are best friends.
that is a blessing.
grazie for the anche.

bacibisou
--15 july 2009